Sunday, January 16, 2011

PostHeaderIcon The void left behind

Today was my Grandfather's funeral. It's a day that I knew had been coming and was trying to be prepared but nothing can prepare you for the flood of emotions you experience when you get the news of a loved one passing from this earthly world into heaven. If you have been following my blog for awhile you already know that since summer of 2009 that I have been my Grandfather's caregiver. He finally went permanently to a nursing home facility in April of 2010 because his alzheimer's really kicked in and he needed much more care than I was able to give him being here alone and with no outside help. It broke my heart to make that decision knowing he never wanted to be in a facility of that sort. Even after he was in the nursing home I stayed very invovled in his care and did my best to stay on top of his needs and advocated (and throwed fits when needed) to make sure he had the very best. I was lucky that God put the people in the places we always needed just as we needed. The CNA's that worked with him were angels on earth, his nurse nicknamed him Peanut and when hospice care was brought in it was my husband's ex-wife who helped me. She had been only working there for a month or so...not long...and she just started a new job on the 10th. My Grandfather passed away on the 12th. You cannot convince that she wasn't there for any other reason than to help me with my Grandfather. I am desperately hanging onto my faith in God at the moment. I attended my church's ladies conference a few months ago. Becky Brown brought us a message from 1 Thessalonians Chapter 4 and the point of it was that God's got this death thing. As long as we have a relationship with him and have given our sinner's heart to Christ~then He will take care of everything else. Our Pastor comforted us today with the 23rd Psalms. My Grandfather died as a Christian. He is no longer suffering. His days are now perfect. It does not make my heart ache any less. What do I do now? So much of who I am was wrapped up in making sure his needs were met. The void left is painful and raw.

My Grandfather was a WW2 vet and married my Grandmother after the war.
This is a photo of them. Ernest and Jackie.

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This is a photo of my him and my Grandmother with my Daddy, Jerry, standing next to him is his little brother, my uncle Kenneth.
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This was a good day with me and my Grandfather. Thankgiving 2009.

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RIP Papaw!!!!
Ernest L. Marr
February 15, 1922-January 12, 2011


Ashley @ 365 things said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I didn't know him, but I feel that if he knew and understood the circumstances he would have been ok with your decision to put him in a home. You did the best you could for him and I'm sure even in his condition, that he knew that. My grandmother didn't have alzheimers, but dementia and was unable to remember who we were before she passed. Her asking me who I was when I would visit broke my heart each and every time, so I know how difficult that aspect must have been for you. Thanks for showing those old pictures, I love looking at old photographs like that. Take care...

Kresta said...

Beautiful photos. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Balinda (RebelChick)
Just an everyday girl trying to find my way in the world to live life fiercely and passionately. I was a signature tagger for several years but art journaling has replaced that passion and it feeds my soul creativiely and spiritually. I also homeschool my DD, scrapbook, play around in photography, spoil my cats and drive my hubby insane on a daily basis. My faith in the Lord helps me juggle all these blessings. I keep this blog because it makes me happy. Sometimes I blog a lot and other times it collects a little dust. Thanks for visiting and being my friend.♥
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