Tuesday, September 6, 2016

PostHeaderIcon Living Again

It's been a long time since I have blogged. A lot has happened since the last time I shared. One of the things that kept me away was that I was living life with my husband...we had big plans to sell our home and buy a travel trailer and I go out on the road with him while he worked out of town. We realized that we had lost so much time together already with the work situation and we wanted to find a way to remedy that. You can't get time back.

Then the knock came on the door that changed my life forever. My beloved husband had died. He was only 46 years old and for all we knew healthy. He has just had a physical but a blood pressure issue had went undetected over time and he had a cardiac arrest. He was out of town working. I had spoken and texted him through out the day. Things were great. He was scheduled to come home the next day. In less than a split second my heart was shattered. Just a few days ago marked a year that he has not been the voice I hear every single morning when I wake and the rock I leaned on. I had the luxury to be a stay at home mom and wife. We sacrificed for that to happen but it was worth every coupon I clipped. It's taken me a year to find a new home and a job that could pay the bills that go with it.  In fact, I've only been in our new home a month and I still have boxes to unpack.  

So here I sit.....being eternally grateful for all my blessings and at the same time cursing because this is not supposed to be my life....but yet it is.  Everyday I wonder how I will make it through and at the end of the day I find that somehow I did. I wonder if I will ever feel genuine joy and happiness again. I have moments with my kids......how can I not? but that's not joy felt in my soul.
And if I've heard it once....I heard it a hundred times....."You are so young, you will remarry." I die a little every time I hear it. Me and Ricky were perfect together.....I can't even wrap my mind around anyone else in my life.

So here I sit....working on living again.....and maybe one day I can smile without tears in the corners of my eyes.

Here's to Living Well and Blessings to All☻

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

PostHeaderIcon Symbology

Online workshops....oh how I love them!!!! Art ones, photography ones, scrap booking ones.....so very divine!!! It's been my goal this year to actually do the work and participate in them instead of just purchasing them and getting LAZY because of "Lifetime" access. The ease of access, the idea that I will get to it as soon as I finish task A, B, or C. What usually happens is that the workshop that I just HAD TO HAVE OR JUST DIE sits in a forum, downloads sitting in a folder on a hard drive and I never fully commit to taking advantage of a product that I paid hard earned money for. I know I am not the only one out there in the world that does this. Why? Why don't we think we are important enough to set something aside or say NO....block off time in our calendars to commit to an workshop or class that apparently is of great interest enough to invest cash into.

I have my own thoughts on that actually. After all I can only speak for myself and after much soul searching it comes down to the simple fact that I haven't given much value to the things I wanted. The roles of mom and wife have been given prime value while the role of just being me has been at the very bottom of the list. I found myself giving my daughter the advice of knowing who she is and never "losing" herself in someone else and that having her own interests will keep her sane and happy. What a hypocrite I was!!!!!! It's NOT selfish to take time to pursue a hobby or to just sit and unwind with a book.  So my mission this year is to work on completing all the wonderful workshops on my hard drive and really participate and interact with other wonderfully like minded souls in any "live" workshops I take. One of the workshops that is sitting on my hard drive and has a classroom on the Ruzuku platform is Tangie Baxter's The Symbology Project. I was just about to start it right as she put up The Symbology Workshop No. 3.  I will start with workshop no.3 instead because (1) it is in a live forum and (2) I got it free for being a member of The Art Journal Emporium. Please come check it out with me. I would love to cheer you on just out of the sheer pleasure of seeing another beautiful soul taking a few moments to nurture herself♥   

Saturday, February 28, 2015

PostHeaderIcon Be You Bravely

I love February and hate it all at the same time. It's just such a short month but it's also the month of mine and my daughter's birthdays not to mention Valentine's Day. In between the holiday's I have been trying to find a way to balance my digital life (scrapping, workshops, creative team duties) with the real life.  I certainly applaud all who do so with much more success than me. I feel like I need a personal secretary sometimes and other times I just feel like staying unplugged. What did we do before all the technology?!?!?!?  What I have been doing between my temp job and not blogging much is focusing on more hands on craftiness. Over at Tangie Baxter's Art Journal Emporium we are still reading Cat Bennett's The Confident Creative. It has been the best book ever to start out the year reading especially if you have been feeling in a creative slump or never ever thought yourself creative to begin with. I had never really thought myself an artist in a sense that I could draw but I started reading this book soon after I read Mixed Media Girls with Suzi Blu (a book that had been on my shelf for a year) and it has helped get rid of my self doubt and the "I can'ts". I realized I was living a self-fulfilling prophecy by saying "I can't" because I never really put in the effort to really try. My mother is a fantastic artist and that is where I thought the talent ended. My drawings never looked like hers. Fact is, they were never supposed to. They would also never get past scribbles if I never put in the time to develop the skill either. So here are my efforts this past month. Keep in mind I have never drawn realistic nor cartoony faces or figures before. All my work was either trace or cut and paste. I am proud of my work. It's not perfect but that's okay because I am on a journey to find my artistic style.  What is yours? Do you draw? Paint? Quilt? Embroider? Photography? ETC? Do you want to? I so encourage you to just start. Give yourself the gift time to develop your skill/talent. I would love to be your cheerleader so if you want link me up to your blog/Instagram etc. so I can do so. We should be building each other up as we all walk our artistic journeys.

Thanks so much for popping in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 5, 2015

PostHeaderIcon Believe You Can and YOU REALLY CAN!

I have been wanting to be part of a book club for several years and (1) I don't read the book or (2) I don't find the book interesting enough to participate.  I can't begin to tell you how excited that I have been participating in The Art Journal Emporium's  Book Club. We have been reading The Confident Creative and sharing with one another examples of how each chapter "stretched" our idea of drawing and our own artwork.  This has been the most perfect book ever to start out the new year because it encourages the reader to just "start where you are".  I have never ever in my life thought that I could ever draw anything remotely realistic. Stick figures are my specialty!!! I have come to believe that when you stop saying "can't" and just start trying and with a little effort and the pressure to not be perfect gone......magical things can happen. This is an example of what happened when I just sat down and changed my belief in myself. The exercise was to "draw what you see".  

I felt that this try was "not terrible" so I filled the bottom of the page with more of what I see.

I am feeling very accomplished and proud of myself that I shoved all the negative to the side and just enjoyed the process.  Do you draw, create, etc...??? Link me up, I would love to ooohhhh and aaaahhhhh over your pretties!!!

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Balinda (RebelChick)
Just an everyday girl trying to find my way in the world to live life fiercely and passionately. I was a signature tagger for several years but art journaling has replaced that passion and it feeds my soul creativiely and spiritually. I also homeschool my DD, scrapbook, play around in photography, spoil my cats and drive my hubby insane on a daily basis. My faith in the Lord helps me juggle all these blessings. I keep this blog because it makes me happy. Sometimes I blog a lot and other times it collects a little dust. Thanks for visiting and being my friend.♥
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