Wednesday, March 30, 2011

PostHeaderIcon Old vs. New

I was really excited back in August to jump in and be a youth leader at my church. I felt that it was something I was being called to do. I am by no means the most Bible knowledgable of the people available but that was ok. I was willing to learn right along with the kiddos. Our church membership is small and a majority of the members are over the age of 50. So the youth program that would be built would be a "from the ground up" process. Fast church year begins...youth committee nominated and approved.....we hit the ground running!
All is good for just a little while. I am finding that everything that tries to be implemented is either being met with the "it won't work" "it costs too much money" or the one that irked me the most was "if all of them can't do it then none of them can because Mr. and Mrs. So and So will be mad if their child/grandchild etc is not included" even if the activity was only age appropriate for the older kids or vise versa the younger kids. Two words----Church Politics. I wanted no part of it. I worked my tail off on 2 fundraisers and still had to out source to a different church for my DD to a youth evangalistic conference in our state. This made me very sad and mad all at the same time. As I go along I find out that the lady that helps me teach the devotionals on Sunday evening does not believe in parts of the Bible. I mean, really?!?!?! You are teaching something you do not believe in? I was floored and amazed. This same person broke the trust that we were working to develop with the youth by calling her SIL and gossiping who in turn called the mother to one of the kids involved. Well there went our cast for the Christmas play. We had 8 kids, 9 parts with an adult playing the extra part. When that set of parents pulled their 2 kids out and I found out the could I be mad? I would have too. Now let's scramble for a new play. I found one. It was fun, mostly narrated and with the message of Christmas. My other leader found one, could be read from cards the kids held but no Christmas message at all. I ended up walking out and never going back when we met with the kids to work on what the Christmas play was going to be and "She" wanted to let the kids pick which play they wanted to do. EXCUSE ME!!! Who are the adults? We are not promoting Santa. No amount of explaining why her play was inappropriate seemed to sink in. Sometimes you have to know when to call it quits. I did. That was the first part of November of last year. I did not step a foot into a church until February of this year. I chose the church that my son attends. It's a 20-25 minute drive verses the 5 minutes I was used to. It's people I don't really know, a preaching style I am not used to and challenging to my comfort zone just because it's in the area where my ex husband would think that being divorced from him for 17 years would diminish that feeling. It's also where I see my DD smile, where she sings (she never did before) the hymns, where she is excited to leave for and where she will grow and fellowship with youth in her age group.
I had a teary eyed Mama moment 2 weeks ago when my son came down for Sunday morning service and I was able to attend worship service with both my children and my husband who was in from work that week. My son also brought his GF. I had my family with me in the house of the Lord. My heart was full of emotion and love.
I have decided that I will move my church membership. I have never done this. The church I am leaving is where I was baptized, married and was even thinking of being buried. My Grandfather was baptized there not too long before he was unable to live with me anymore.
So many emotions and heart strings are attached. I almost feel like a traitor. My son made the statement, "Sometimes you have to move a plant into the sun for it to blossom." in a conversation I had with him about all of this. He is correct. I am keeping a continuous prayer in my heart that I am following the path God has set before me. I know change is not easy. But I don't have to like the process. I do see the signs God has given me to move forward to grow myself and most especially my DD in Christ. My husband agrees and understands what and why I am doing this. I do not know yet if he will come with me to the new or stay at the old. Eventhough I know I will join the new, I can't until I know how he fully feels. I think he is still praying on it himself.
I guess this posting sorta sounds whiney or gossipy but it's an issue that has weighed heavily on my heart and it's really helpful to me to just get on paper...even if it's digital. =)
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Balinda (RebelChick)
Just an everyday girl trying to find my way in the world to live life fiercely and passionately. I was a signature tagger for several years but art journaling has replaced that passion and it feeds my soul creativiely and spiritually. I also homeschool my DD, scrapbook, play around in photography, spoil my cats and drive my hubby insane on a daily basis. My faith in the Lord helps me juggle all these blessings. I keep this blog because it makes me happy. Sometimes I blog a lot and other times it collects a little dust. Thanks for visiting and being my friend.♥
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