Sunday, December 29, 2013

PostHeaderIcon Irrational Fears

Irrational fears. 
Almost everybody has one sometimes two.
Mine is checking the mail. A better explanation of it may be of what is in the mail. 
I know it sounds crazy and maybe it is. I will go two or three days and will not peek inside it. 

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Most of the time it's just the usual sale papers and random junk. Other days I get a fantastic prize in the form of a Fingerhut magazine begging me to take advantage of the $400 worth of credit extended to me. I am also given the opportunity to give my money away to various establishments in the form of a bill. 

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I also get regular goodies from Tangie Baxter, Amazon, and Pangea Reptile.
You would think that with wonderful stuff like that coming to my mail I would "get over it". Believe me I do try.  Logically, I know exactly where the irrationality of it all stems from. 

I spent ten years struggling as a single mom. No government assistance. Watching my ex gloat because he could still vacation, go to movies etc where as I could not do any of those things. Every time I opened the mailbox it was another bill that I struggled to pay and in some cases could not. I maxed out my credit cards paying attorney fees for divorce/custody issues. When those could not be paid on time anymore, the collection notices started rolling in. The dread and then the despair associated with what was waiting in the mailbox became more than I could bear some days so I just started to only check it every other day. Bad habits formed and over the years I catch myself not checking the mail but once or twice a week. I guess it's my version of "bury my head in the sand".  Like I said earlier, logically, I know it's silly and irrational but emotionally I still choke up and hold my breath as if what is in it will hurt me. Financially, we do as well as the rest of folks. Pay the regular bills. NO credit cards any more. Haven't had any of those in years. 

I don't really make resolutions for the New Year's but it is my sincere goal to check it daily and quit letting the sight of the mailbox trigger all those old emotions. 

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1 comments:

Sabina Pamphili said...

I love love what you are writing and how you SAY it, dearest friend. And I admire you for being so down to earth and honest. Not many people are anymore. And re: checking the mail? I am plain lazy and don't check daily either but also because I only have one single credit card and any bills due are tagged with 'automatic withdrawal'. No more mailing or buying stamps, lol.
Hubby is still doing kind of ok, he even went grocery shopping this morning. It's freezing here and I hate to go out in the snow especially since I am still not stable on my left hip.
Love you, Balinda!
Hoping for a Healthy and Blessed 2014 for all of us.

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Balinda (RebelChick)
Just an everyday girl trying to find my way in the world to live life fiercely and passionately. I was a signature tagger for several years but art journaling has replaced that passion and it feeds my soul creativiely and spiritually. I also homeschool my DD, scrapbook, play around in photography, spoil my cats and drive my hubby insane on a daily basis. My faith in the Lord helps me juggle all these blessings. I keep this blog because it makes me happy. Sometimes I blog a lot and other times it collects a little dust. Thanks for visiting and being my friend.♥
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