Sunday, December 29, 2013
Irrational Fears
11:24 PM | 
Posted by
Balinda (RebelChick)
Irrational fears.
Almost everybody has one sometimes two.
Mine is checking the mail. A better explanation of it may be of what is in the mail.
I know it sounds crazy and maybe it is. I will go two or three days and will not peek inside it.
Most of the time it's just the usual sale papers and random junk. Other days I get a fantastic prize in the form of a Fingerhut magazine begging me to take advantage of the $400 worth of credit extended to me. I am also given the opportunity to give my money away to various establishments in the form of a bill.
I also get regular goodies from Tangie Baxter, Amazon, and Pangea Reptile.
You would think that with wonderful stuff like that coming to my mail I would "get over it". Believe me I do try. Logically, I know exactly where the irrationality of it all stems from.
I spent ten years struggling as a single mom. No government assistance. Watching my ex gloat because he could still vacation, go to movies etc where as I could not do any of those things. Every time I opened the mailbox it was another bill that I struggled to pay and in some cases could not. I maxed out my credit cards paying attorney fees for divorce/custody issues. When those could not be paid on time anymore, the collection notices started rolling in. The dread and then the despair associated with what was waiting in the mailbox became more than I could bear some days so I just started to only check it every other day. Bad habits formed and over the years I catch myself not checking the mail but once or twice a week. I guess it's my version of "bury my head in the sand". Like I said earlier, logically, I know it's silly and irrational but emotionally I still choke up and hold my breath as if what is in it will hurt me. Financially, we do as well as the rest of folks. Pay the regular bills. NO credit cards any more. Haven't had any of those in years.
I don't really make resolutions for the New Year's but it is my sincere goal to check it daily and quit letting the sight of the mailbox trigger all those old emotions.
Almost everybody has one sometimes two.
Mine is checking the mail. A better explanation of it may be of what is in the mail.
I know it sounds crazy and maybe it is. I will go two or three days and will not peek inside it.
Most of the time it's just the usual sale papers and random junk. Other days I get a fantastic prize in the form of a Fingerhut magazine begging me to take advantage of the $400 worth of credit extended to me. I am also given the opportunity to give my money away to various establishments in the form of a bill.
I also get regular goodies from Tangie Baxter, Amazon, and Pangea Reptile.
You would think that with wonderful stuff like that coming to my mail I would "get over it". Believe me I do try. Logically, I know exactly where the irrationality of it all stems from.
I spent ten years struggling as a single mom. No government assistance. Watching my ex gloat because he could still vacation, go to movies etc where as I could not do any of those things. Every time I opened the mailbox it was another bill that I struggled to pay and in some cases could not. I maxed out my credit cards paying attorney fees for divorce/custody issues. When those could not be paid on time anymore, the collection notices started rolling in. The dread and then the despair associated with what was waiting in the mailbox became more than I could bear some days so I just started to only check it every other day. Bad habits formed and over the years I catch myself not checking the mail but once or twice a week. I guess it's my version of "bury my head in the sand". Like I said earlier, logically, I know it's silly and irrational but emotionally I still choke up and hold my breath as if what is in it will hurt me. Financially, we do as well as the rest of folks. Pay the regular bills. NO credit cards any more. Haven't had any of those in years.
I don't really make resolutions for the New Year's but it is my sincere goal to check it daily and quit letting the sight of the mailbox trigger all those old emotions.
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Sunday, December 15, 2013
Passport Dreaming
I can't believe it's been 6 months since I have created anything remotely artsy or art journaly. I think women in general put everyone's needs above their own. I find that I do that and then I am resentful because I don't get any "down" or "me" time. I should not be resentful because it is my own fault. I should learn how to manage my time better, to actually schedule art journal/scrapbook/art time. We all know that knowing something and putting it into practice are two totally different challenges. So ladies (and guys too) what do you say? Do you think we can all band together to get in a least a couple of hours a week to let those creative juices flow or to document the mile stones in your lives? I know I am going to give it an earnest effort!
Soooo....here is the first thing I have created since July.
My contribution to the 2014 Art Journal Caravan Book. This was my interpretation of the theme "Passport Dreaming".
I used elements from VooDooHooDo and Wild Blue Yonder by FineCrafted Designs at Deviant Scrap. Little Sky Pirate by Ida Larsen at Deviant Scrap. Her little pirate looks so much like my little niece McKenzie in this pose. The font is Rubia's tiny script by Darcy Baldwin. It's a retired font that I picked up at Sweet Shoppe Designs last Going, Going, Gone Sale
Monday, December 9, 2013
The Christmas Tree
The tree.
The tree that becomes the center piece of so many family traditions during the holiday season. The tree that stresses out women all over the country to get up and decorated in time to actually enjoy it before the process of taking it down. The Christmas Tree.
The goal every year in my home is to get it up on Thanksgiving. My reasons for that is (1) my kiddos are 17 and 24 (2) I have to share them with my ex. (3) My 24 yo has his own life and is always so busy and most importantly (4) It makes me ever so happy to look at my tree later and remember what a wonderful day we had decorating it. No amount of money can buy that wonderous warm fuzzy feeling a Mama gets in her heart when it comes to moments like that with her babies (no matter how old they are!)
This year the family tree trimming has been an EPIC fail. Thus far, I have done nothing but work. I came very close to just buying a tiny table top tree so that after all the Christmas celebrations all that would be needed was to pop it on a shelf in the closet. I finally had a full day off Saturday and got the house back in order and caught up on the mundane chores that had piled up like washing linens and mopping floors. My DD was a huge help with the dusting, folding of laundry and vacuuming. A feeling of accomplishment filled my soul and at that point the tree came out of the closet. This meant that the living room needed to be rearranged to fit it and the treadmill kicked out and into the art room.
After almost giving myself a hernia dragging it out and cutting through the layers of duct tape holding it closed....I got to my prize. As I looked into that box, I was suddenly rethinking this idea but I had already came this far, so no turning back now. Grinch BEWARE!!!! The tree was going up!!!
Thank goodness I had my helper with me because I probably would have broken something on me or part of the tree putting the heavy middle piece in the post properly. Funny how 12 months makes you VERY forgetful of how much a pain in the "you know what" something can be to piece back together.
But alas, my helper got distracted by Country Dance 2 on the Wii.
And of course when not trying to jump in the box, Ghost thought he had a new hide out built special for him. The other 2 cats were waiting in the wings to see if there would be room for them.
Because women work smarter than men *wink* I had my DD help me label the correct order of the plugs on our prelit tree when we put it away last year. The first 2 years the husband was home to put it up AND watching him cuss and fuss for an hour really sucked the joy out of the day. *Disclaimer for the hubby's sake* The tree came with ZERO indication of the order of the plugs of which I thought was pretty darn stupid.
Victory is ours and despite all the internal whining, the tree was up and all the lights working in 15 minutes. *Girls rule! Boys drool!*
Today marks 16 days until Christmas and this is still how the tree looks. Limbs need to be fluffed and decorations still need to added but that will have to wait until Wednesday when it's not raining and I can get them out of our storage shed.
Despite all the whining, I do so love my tree and the way my family gathers around it during the Christmas season to just revel in the beauty of the twinkling lights and enjoy just taking time to be in each other's company with no distractions. For just a few moments it's like time stands still, so still it lets your heart and soul beat in tandem so that these perfect moments are so clearly defined and held forever precious. ♥
The tree that becomes the center piece of so many family traditions during the holiday season. The tree that stresses out women all over the country to get up and decorated in time to actually enjoy it before the process of taking it down. The Christmas Tree.
The goal every year in my home is to get it up on Thanksgiving. My reasons for that is (1) my kiddos are 17 and 24 (2) I have to share them with my ex. (3) My 24 yo has his own life and is always so busy and most importantly (4) It makes me ever so happy to look at my tree later and remember what a wonderful day we had decorating it. No amount of money can buy that wonderous warm fuzzy feeling a Mama gets in her heart when it comes to moments like that with her babies (no matter how old they are!)
This year the family tree trimming has been an EPIC fail. Thus far, I have done nothing but work. I came very close to just buying a tiny table top tree so that after all the Christmas celebrations all that would be needed was to pop it on a shelf in the closet. I finally had a full day off Saturday and got the house back in order and caught up on the mundane chores that had piled up like washing linens and mopping floors. My DD was a huge help with the dusting, folding of laundry and vacuuming. A feeling of accomplishment filled my soul and at that point the tree came out of the closet. This meant that the living room needed to be rearranged to fit it and the treadmill kicked out and into the art room.
After almost giving myself a hernia dragging it out and cutting through the layers of duct tape holding it closed....I got to my prize. As I looked into that box, I was suddenly rethinking this idea but I had already came this far, so no turning back now. Grinch BEWARE!!!! The tree was going up!!!
Thank goodness I had my helper with me because I probably would have broken something on me or part of the tree putting the heavy middle piece in the post properly. Funny how 12 months makes you VERY forgetful of how much a pain in the "you know what" something can be to piece back together.
But alas, my helper got distracted by Country Dance 2 on the Wii.
And of course when not trying to jump in the box, Ghost thought he had a new hide out built special for him. The other 2 cats were waiting in the wings to see if there would be room for them.
Because women work smarter than men *wink* I had my DD help me label the correct order of the plugs on our prelit tree when we put it away last year. The first 2 years the husband was home to put it up AND watching him cuss and fuss for an hour really sucked the joy out of the day. *Disclaimer for the hubby's sake* The tree came with ZERO indication of the order of the plugs of which I thought was pretty darn stupid.
Victory is ours and despite all the internal whining, the tree was up and all the lights working in 15 minutes. *Girls rule! Boys drool!*
Today marks 16 days until Christmas and this is still how the tree looks. Limbs need to be fluffed and decorations still need to added but that will have to wait until Wednesday when it's not raining and I can get them out of our storage shed.
Despite all the whining, I do so love my tree and the way my family gathers around it during the Christmas season to just revel in the beauty of the twinkling lights and enjoy just taking time to be in each other's company with no distractions. For just a few moments it's like time stands still, so still it lets your heart and soul beat in tandem so that these perfect moments are so clearly defined and held forever precious. ♥
Monday, December 2, 2013
Gratitude
99 days.
99 days of prayers and waiting for my Daddy to get better and come home.
His lungs shut down on him and in the first weeks I was not even sure he would pull through. Those were the weeks I did not leave the ICU waiting room or my Mama. The weeks I dragged my daughter around and we slept in the chairs "just in case". A decision was made to replace his intubation tube from the ventilator with a trach. Next came a move to a medical rehab and weaning from the ventilator. Other hurdles such as learning how to swallow so he could eat and small things as making a fist or moving his feet became monumental victories. One more move to an intense physical rehab was in store. It was the worst experience my Daddy has ever had. He was there to relearn everything from brushing his teeth to walking. They did their job in the therapy part. Nursing wise - much was to be desired. Regardless of that my Daddy is home. He can walk with a walker :-) and tend to his basic needs.
This Thanksgiving I am humbled with much Gratitude for all the Blessings my family have been given by my Daddy being home.
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About Me
- Balinda (RebelChick)
- Just an everyday girl trying to find my way in the world to live life fiercely and passionately. I was a signature tagger for several years but art journaling has replaced that passion and it feeds my soul creativiely and spiritually. I also homeschool my DD, scrapbook, play around in photography, spoil my cats and drive my hubby insane on a daily basis. My faith in the Lord helps me juggle all these blessings. I keep this blog because it makes me happy. Sometimes I blog a lot and other times it collects a little dust. Thanks for visiting and being my friend.♥