Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Living Again
2:26 PM | 
Posted by
Balinda (RebelChick)
It's been a long time since I have blogged. A lot has happened since the last time I shared. One of the things that kept me away was that I was living life with my husband...we had big plans to sell our home and buy a travel trailer and I go out on the road with him while he worked out of town. We realized that we had lost so much time together already with the work situation and we wanted to find a way to remedy that. You can't get time back.
Then the knock came on the door that changed my life forever. My beloved husband had died. He was only 46 years old and for all we knew healthy. He has just had a physical but a blood pressure issue had went undetected over time and he had a cardiac arrest. He was out of town working. I had spoken and texted him through out the day. Things were great. He was scheduled to come home the next day. In less than a split second my heart was shattered. Just a few days ago marked a year that he has not been the voice I hear every single morning when I wake and the rock I leaned on. I had the luxury to be a stay at home mom and wife. We sacrificed for that to happen but it was worth every coupon I clipped. It's taken me a year to find a new home and a job that could pay the bills that go with it. In fact, I've only been in our new home a month and I still have boxes to unpack.
So here I sit.....being eternally grateful for all my blessings and at the same time cursing because this is not supposed to be my life....but yet it is. Everyday I wonder how I will make it through and at the end of the day I find that somehow I did. I wonder if I will ever feel genuine joy and happiness again. I have moments with my kids......how can I not? but that's not joy felt in my soul.
And if I've heard it once....I heard it a hundred times....."You are so young, you will remarry." I die a little every time I hear it. Me and Ricky were perfect together.....I can't even wrap my mind around anyone else in my life.
So here I sit....working on living again.....and maybe one day I can smile without tears in the corners of my eyes.
Here's to Living Well and Blessings to All☻
Then the knock came on the door that changed my life forever. My beloved husband had died. He was only 46 years old and for all we knew healthy. He has just had a physical but a blood pressure issue had went undetected over time and he had a cardiac arrest. He was out of town working. I had spoken and texted him through out the day. Things were great. He was scheduled to come home the next day. In less than a split second my heart was shattered. Just a few days ago marked a year that he has not been the voice I hear every single morning when I wake and the rock I leaned on. I had the luxury to be a stay at home mom and wife. We sacrificed for that to happen but it was worth every coupon I clipped. It's taken me a year to find a new home and a job that could pay the bills that go with it. In fact, I've only been in our new home a month and I still have boxes to unpack.
So here I sit.....being eternally grateful for all my blessings and at the same time cursing because this is not supposed to be my life....but yet it is. Everyday I wonder how I will make it through and at the end of the day I find that somehow I did. I wonder if I will ever feel genuine joy and happiness again. I have moments with my kids......how can I not? but that's not joy felt in my soul.
And if I've heard it once....I heard it a hundred times....."You are so young, you will remarry." I die a little every time I hear it. Me and Ricky were perfect together.....I can't even wrap my mind around anyone else in my life.
So here I sit....working on living again.....and maybe one day I can smile without tears in the corners of my eyes.
Here's to Living Well and Blessings to All☻
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About Me
- Balinda (RebelChick)
- Just an everyday girl trying to find my way in the world to live life fiercely and passionately. I was a signature tagger for several years but art journaling has replaced that passion and it feeds my soul creativiely and spiritually. I also homeschool my DD, scrapbook, play around in photography, spoil my cats and drive my hubby insane on a daily basis. My faith in the Lord helps me juggle all these blessings. I keep this blog because it makes me happy. Sometimes I blog a lot and other times it collects a little dust. Thanks for visiting and being my friend.♥